AA

2303

2007-03-23T00:35:00.000-07:00

Sorry for neglecting my site for so long.. il try recap what ive been through in the past week that kept me so busy.. Firstly, assignment overload all due this month.. That im finding it a lil difficult to progress in because of tight sched and coming home so tired after long days... im still currently working on it so insyaallah il get it all done in time.

Secondly, training and training for the tournament... i should say that the positive outcome of all that was learning to improve more and getting tips from the pro.. but the bad side of it was ending up with a really terrible wrist injury just in the middle of the tourney.. so yea, i did manage to enter the semi-finals for both categories, the Women's Championship and Mix Championship Challenge but i had to play while enduring the pain i felt each time i swang the racquet... it did affect the results unfortunately.. i couldnt perform at my best so i was quite upset about that and for disappointing my coach :(.. i did have tears at the end of the Women's category.. i just knew i couldve played better.. Dint really mind so much about the Mix category coz its obviously hard to play against a man, especially when my opponent was the President of the Uni Squash Club.. So i was quite happy to have went as far as i did.. But oh well.. syukur sajalah.. Second runner up and two trophies aint that bad for a start.. Thanks to my sis who came to support me, and also my friends! meant a lot... love you guys..

Here's a shot after the prize presentation.. the finalists for the women's category..

Another close friend of mine also left in the past week.. yes again!! a tearful scene at the airport.. so many have left sudah, haiyo babes.. bepakat kamu kah to leave me here.. hehe. Nway, hope she's doing fine there in Korea.. well actually, having noticed her nicks.. think she aint finding it hard there wif 'k-hunks' around.. hehe. :p babe, if u read this, u better banar2 balik in a coupla months!! hehe.

Oryte.. what else.. let's see.. an update on the relationship part... hmm.. think its best that im really taking time alone now.. other than that "no comment".. *shrugs*

2007-02-23T11:25:00.000-08:00

have you ever been so upset at yourself.. over how you are.. over possessing feelings that are wrong but somehow are finding trouble in doin something about it.. when the harder you try, the worse it seems to get... multiply that by knowing the fact that being in that state puts you in the position of losing something so good.. something that has been making you feel in a way you havnt been feeling for so long..

so why do some people still feel incomplete when theyve been given the best they can possibly ever have?.. What is missing in this sense of perfection.. Is it perfection itself being too hard to believe, hence bringing the thought "Do i deserve this?"... But maybe its actually fear.. fear that you might never be as good as expected in return...

Its really late now.. should be giving my mind a rest.. this i know it deserves..

2007-02-19T00:20:00.000-08:00

Went out today coz i dint wanna be a bummer at home.. noticed a lotta shops closed today..Oh also noticed a lotta good underwear on sale when i was walkin around at Huaho.. Manzy, u gotta check the out, they've got sweet lacey types.. hehe.Nway, headed to TPH to get some noodles tapi tutup but TK's yummy Penang Kuey Teow saved the day.. had it with lots of chillies.. yumm i love those bits of chilli padi, they make food taste so great and can just get me munchin continously!! hehehe.. Went walkin aroun after dat and randomly got suggested to get a haircut.. checked in on Jenny at the Essensuals.. aik jua she could spare me a coupla mins out of her tight schedule.. lovin the cute fringe she gave.. nway, gtg watch a footie match now..but before that..

*shoutout*
Happy Chinese New Year to my babe, Lim Wang Ee and family.. Missin you a lot now and am still counting down the time til when i can meet you again. *hugs tight*

2007-02-17T02:24:00.000-08:00

Just got back from watching the malay movie - Kabhil Kushi Kabhil Ligham... Wasnt really my choice to watch it and i kinda fell asleep n certain parts of the movie.. too much sadness in it, kalah wayang hindustan.. it just kept adding and ading up sampai it became predictable and boring.. dint really like the way it ended jua.. inda bisai lah. I think the other people in the cinema enjoyed it much more than i did..

So nway, my eyes are quite heavy.. dint really get much sleep after i woke up to sounds of manz trying to break into my room at 7 am for an eyeliner.. haiyoyo.. the depths girls would go to just for beautifiers.. hehehe.. oh well..

I guess misunderstandings are inevitable.. usually started by assuptions one makes of the other.. Was caught up in that the day before.. sucks.. all i could do was just hush up and take in whatever thrown at me coz was too tired to speak up after bad previous hours.. I have to say it really sucks.. and sometimes i just get too lazy to make it right.. but glad this one worked out on its own.. hope there wont be any days like that again coz i hate being alone in the dark with a swarm of hungry blood sucking mosquitoes for hours.. *sigh*

2007-02-14T15:55:00.000-08:00

I just went out of the exemption exam five minutes ago.. Was the first to leave the room, but im not really worried coz it was pretty easy.. hope i get exempted again so i dont have to attend those long boring English classes. hehe.. Im feelin like a porker now.. i dont know why i get so bloated so easily, when all i ate for lunch was just three cute pieces of sushi.. was prolly the excess consuption of hot green tea in between.. haiyo.. Something needs to be done about this.. hehe. Baik jua the squash club is playing karang.. Gna join em and follow it up with a coupla rounds on the red track.

Something funny happened today.. Its Valentine's Day and im used to recieving things and roses in the past.. but lately i had made an earlier pact not to celebrate it anymore, this year onwards.. and so, recieving a rose was the last thing on my mind.. Having lunch at Escapade was a pretty random decision, food was delicious, smell was great.. and at the end, as usual taking tons of white hacks from the tray by the cashier.. hehe. Thing is today, was different.. the cashier had me surprised by handling over a red rose saying "Happy Valentine's Day!". I really liked it, really sweet when unexpected.. It got me smiling in the car, thinking that even when i try to quit Valentines Day, a rose would still find its way to me.. *giggles*

Im still trying to figure out a place for my two month work attachment thing this semester.. I really dont know where and under which department siuk.. Thing is i need to decide by tonight and let the lady in charge know about it esuk.. right now, im thinkin either MFA, the Brunei Press, the Museum or RTB... i cant seem to decide whats my first choice going to be... tsk! mana baik ah...

2007-02-12T18:17:00.000-08:00

I dont fancy farewells.. they end up making me feel low-spirited.. especially when its a bestfriend thats got to go.. Sent Fidz off yesterday.. Yes u people, she hasnt left.. she tricked me and said that she left weeks ago.. and i ended up in tears that night knowing i hadnt had the chance to see her, but last week she planned a surprise at Amsarra to break the prank and it worked.. i couldnt believe me eyes when i saw her.. I was just told to go there for Eva's party.. tapi rupanya it was a scam.. the real occasion was a doa selamat for Fidz.. Upon meeting her that night, i dint let go of a long hug as soon as i could get hold of her.. and all she did was laugh and tell me not to cry coz she knew how easy tears could flow when it comes to me..

And yesterday, the day at the airport.. tsk tsk tsk.. was pretty ruffled coz i knew how weak i'd get seeing someone leave.. Seeing her hug her relatives, her brothers so tight with tears in her eyes.. daym.. i just brokedown when she came up to me giving me her goodbye hug.. She made me promise i would take care of myself now that she cant be around me anymore and she told me she'd not forget me til she achieves her dreams.. Tears flooded my eyes.. I owe her so much for always being there for me when i needed a crying shoulder, a helping hand or when i needed to turn a bad day around.. Everything about me she knew.. The right things to say just to crack me up when im quiet and stuff.. She was like a sister to me, nothing else i could ask for.. Really hope she'll be alright far away and hope she comes back with a smile and so much more.. I'll be missing her presence so bad.. :'( *sigh*

P/s: Deepest thanks to the one who made it possible for me to see her at the airport.. *hugs*

30207

2007-02-02T21:31:00.000-08:00

Was kinda bummed out yesterday.. when Manz told me that Iz was leaving.. i mean i did get a text from her but i dint really knew what she meant by she wasnt going to be around.. pikir macam salah antar or something.. coz the thought of her leaving was just far from my mind.. It sucks knowing it tho... i mean at first it was Wangee.. the one i who is so caring and concerned about anything i go through.. then followed by another bestfriend Fidz.. who left me without wanting to meet up, with fear that we both might breakdown.. and know when im already able to comfortably confide in Iz, she's leaving me too.. :-( i remember one guy who made a promise to me, knowing all that.. he promised me that no matter what happens, he'll still be there for me as a friend.. but never stayed that way.. thats life huh.. pretty darn unpredictable..

But oh well.. im so so happy for Iz and i hope she's gna have a great time there.. N probably come back with a hot Korean dude? hahahah.

31

2007-01-31T00:23:00.000-08:00

Had fries for lunch today.. Most of you that know me well enough would know that there are two reasons why i'd eat them.. one, coz im happy and the other coz im really really down.. But today,gue happy.. had Mc D's fries, still prefer Express or Ideal's cut fries but rasanya tetap enak sih.. :-).. Gna leave now to play netball with the friendly ITB-ians.. hehe its been awhile.. well im glad i have somethin else to play now that im taking a break from squash.. Wont tell why, but yea.. whatever..

Someone said that its been ten days.. hehe.. :-).. Well, hope the days will keep rollin by.. Daym, gtg for now.. adios.

part 2

2007-01-30T16:04:00.000-08:00

Got tagged this lsit of questions by Manz.. So am gna answer them..

1) Are your parents married or divorced?
Married eh..
2) Are you a vegetarian?
Nope, i wna be.. but cant resist seafood..
3) Do you believe in Heaven?
I believe in things i cant see..
4) Have you ever come close to dying?
Yea twice, once in a car and once on the roof..
5) What jewellery do you wear 24/7?
Have my jade bangle from mommy on for as long as i can remember..
6) Favourite time of day?
Dawn.. with beautiful sunsets..
7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Uhuh i eat every part of that small tree..hehe
8) Do you wear makeup?
Only when im bored.. hehe
9) Ever have plastic surgery?
Hell no.. hehe
10) Do you colour your hair?
I used to but aint into it anymore.
11) What do you wear to bed?
An oversized t-shirt..hehe.
12) Have you ever done anything illegal?
Yea.. *not proud*
13) Can you roll your tongue?
Nope..
14) Do you tweeze your eyebrows?
Sometimes..
15) What kind of sneakers?
Sneakers.. umm nah.. i love snickers.. hehe *na paham*
16) Do you believe in abortions?
Never do it!!
17)What is your hair colour?
Dark Brown.
18) Future child’s name?
Woah.. too soon eh.. hehe
19) Do you snore?
Nope, but drool saja.. haha
20) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
Mekah and back to my homeland, Isla de Filipinas.
21) Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Uhuh.. too many on my bed..
22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
Shopping Spree!!!!
23) Gold or silver?
White gold.. hehe
24) Hamburger or hot dog?
Any as long as theres cheese with it.hehe
25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
French Fries.. i gotta at least have it once a week..
26) City, beach or country?
Im a beach girl..
27) What was the last thing you touched?
*coughs*
28) Where did you eat last?
Dinner last night at Ka fe's room..
29) When’s the last time you cried?
Early this morning after i woke up...
30) Do you read blogs?
Nope..
31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Yea.. comfy jua.. hehe.
32) Ever been involved with the police?
Erm... yea most of my good frens are daughters of policemen.. hahaha.. involved kah tu?haha
33) What are your favourite shampoo conditioner and soap?
Nicky Clarkes.. Soap Palmolive body shower..
34) Do you talk in your sleep?
Nope..
35) Ocean or pool?
Pool. No sharks!
36) Window seat or aisle?
Now window seat.. not ready for the aisle yet..haha!
37) Ever met anyone famous?
Yep.. but none that im totally crazy about..
38) Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?
Not yet.. still searching for...........
39) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
Twirl with a for... then fix it on a spoon..
40) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
Oprah Winfrey.
41) Basketball or football?
Football.
42) How long do your showers last?
Depends on how long the hot water lasts awal pagi.haha
43) Automatic or do you drive a stick?
Automatic.
44) Cake or ice cream?
Ice cream.. rich chocolate ice-cream..
45) Are you self-conscious?
Sometimes, i do get days where i dont feel right at all..
46) Have you ever drank so much you threw up?
Yup.. i overloaded myself with too much coconut juice...
47) Have you ever given money to a beggar?
Yep.. masa umrah n haji..
48) Have you been in love?
Yea.. But none of them lasted.. Do they even last?
49) Where do you wish you were?
In the arms of my mother..
50) Are you wearing socks?
Nope, not with heels.. bida tu eh.
51) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Na pernah.. hope ill never have to.. unless by any odd circumstances, id be the one on the drivers seat..hehehe
52) Can you tango?
karangtah i try...hehe
53) Last gift you received?
An evening bag and perfume spray..
54) Last sport you played?
Tennis with Ka Fe..
55) Things you spend a lot of money on?
Not a big spender yet... hehe one day.
56) Where do you live?
In someones heart...
57) Where were you born?
The Philippines..
58) Last wedding attended?
Somewhere in Sungai Buloh..
59) Most hated food(s)?
Long Beans!!!! uuurgh..
60) What’s your least fav.?
Arguments and misunderstandings..
61) Can you sing?
Yea but not pleasingly haha
62) Last person you instant messaged?
ummm.. f.j.. :-)
63) Last place you went on holiday?
Singapore.
64) Favourite regular drink?
Water and Mirinda Red or Orange..
65) Tag 3 friends:
malas lah..hehe
66) Current song:
SurgaMu by Ungu.

300106

2007-01-30T10:15:00.000-08:00

What would you do if someone you've been friends with for so many years apparently has kept feelings for you? What would you do when he lets it out and expects you to feel the same way.. with the realisation that you both mesh well together, would you give it a go and risk losing that close bond you've had with him before? Because if it doesnt work out, truth is, things wont be the same again, coz it never does work that way...

But what if you cant be with him.. not because you dont want to... but because the most important person in your life does not agree to it and wont allow it to happen.. Would you let him know and leave him hurt by that and at the same time jeopardising someone else's name.. or would you make up a reason and just make yourself seem like the bad person and end up being loathed? Thats what i did.. and now it doesnt feel nice at all knowing the truth has to be kept inside.

So many questions fill my mind right now.. im caught in the middle.. Its like any step i choose to take would have bad implications.. aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghh ...*sasak!!!* If only i could splurge on things to clear my mind up.. damn it.. need to play squash!!

1st game

2007-01-27T12:25:00.000-08:00

Felt so great playing squash yesterday, had just been awile iatah.. The only thing i disliked about it is the place i regularly play at.. not because its worn out or anythin but because of who i bump into most of the time.. Im not the type that hates.. but once a person gets on my bad side, i just dont wna be anywhere close to them.. its like i dont even want to be bothered to know and hate them.. mean kah tu? well i think its better that way for me daripada i talk to them and be hypocritical behind their backs.. malas lah to be two faced, just a waste of time.. dosa saja..

Why am i talkin about this.. its because i saw X playing footie and it just hurts alil.. it got me a lil mad.. especially when mum actually thinks that it all ended because of me.. urgh!! Dont wna curse here.. but im really sasak lah.. And the rage got into me when i was playing so i was kinda cold towards the end of the game.. Was on a guilt trip heading back home afraid i might have offended someone.. Talked to my sisters about it and i guess their right.. I have to learn to be alright with it.. i got to realise that i have taken a step forward and i need to keep my focus constantly ahead. It would get hard at times and i may forget that.. but insyaallah along with time.. what was never meant to be will fade away.

Ruz, Qis, Liz and myself crashing the lecturers Raya gathering after a long day of study. Thanks to Mr. Asmali for this shot.

surreal

2007-01-26T15:50:00.000-08:00

I dont really know where to start.. went back home yesterday with feelings i cant really describe.. i have been in relationships that have given moments feeling like im on a pedestal and moments when i feel like im rock bottom.. Been through so much in the past five years.. A big bag of experience to carry on my back.. The worse times had made me beg and pray for the best in life.. trusting tuhan and not giving up hope that one day true happiness will come.. but when it does, i want to feel that i deserve it.. Its hard to be perfect, that i know.. its not easy fighting temptations or staying on the right track and we as human beings have weaknesses that we have to overcome..

I have to admit that i have been thinking for years about living the right way.. being scared hearing stories about the hereafter.. but you know.. being in a relationship makes it even harder because of things you might do.. for awhile your back on track but after time, you lose your way again..not easy at all.. its hard finding a partner thats willing to love you for who you are and love you enough to care so much about you and how you are gna be in the hereafter.. Hence for having a heart so great, he would want to be with you and is willing to be in a relationship in which both people would be there as a guiding hand.. reminding each other of the one above, and not to stray.. and just be genuinely in love.. Sounds perfect.. Hard but worth the try..

Went home yesterday with a huge smile on my face.. Some things are just too good to be true.. But if it really is the answer to my prayers.. if it really is real.. i can never thank god enough.. my heart has never felt this grateful.. *happy tears*..

211

2007-01-21T18:19:00.000-08:00

Attended the baca2 at NY'S crib.. Felt good seeing him again after missing him but it just killed me seeing him that way.. afterall he has a place in my heart.. i just repeated Istighfar in trying hard to hold back my tears and be strong for him. I know we gotta redha and terima takdir tuhan, and trust him on what he has destined for us.. coz tuhan lah yang maha adil and maha mengetahui apa yang terbaik for everyone.. Mudahan tuhan tabahkan his hati so i can see him alright again soon.. amin.

After that went to a nikah ceremony somewer in Sg. Buloh i think.. haiyo, i can get really ignorant went it comes to places more than 5 km away from home.. hehehe. Was kinda like a first time seeing the whole function dapan mata.. Was cute watching the groom sit nervously preparing himself for the important thing he was about to say in front of everyone.. but was really nice seeing pure happiness expressed by the smile he had on his face.. I'd usually be really excited when it comes to things like these, i'd have further thoughts and would even plan ahead on how great my big day would be.. But no no no.. not anymore.. haha. Malas sudah wna think of it.. Afraid?umm not really but entah ah.. i've really seen how things can just change in the blink of an eye iatah.. =s but oh well.. Thanks to the one who brought me there.. =).

21's the new number now.. Wont elaborate further on why i said that, but for those of you who think you have an idea on what it means.. =P hehe. Had a great time at the beach gathering yesterday mornin with the students from Micronet.. Everyone was friendly, well the guys lah mostly..so i was never left alone.. hehe. Walked on the beach and did what most would do, scribble thoughts on the sand.. but for my case, it was a name and a confession.. chewah.. hehe. Well someone screamed upon reading it.. hahaha. Ka Fen, i cant wait for you to come back home.. i want my goodies.. hehe. But i have a reason in mind why i shouldnt be anticipating for ur return jua.. not gna say it tho.. figure it out sendiri. hahaha.

2007-01-15T20:27:00.000-08:00

Tons of apologies for not posting anything for a really long time.. *hugs* to everyone that hand longed for updates.. hehe. Cant really find a good excuse for neglecting my blog tho.. hehe.

Oh well.. i think i'll be blogging more frequently now, since its already the start of another semester. Havnt really felt the pressure im expecting yet.. although Mr.Walker has already assigned work for us due next week.. But oh well, at least ive got something to keep my mind off other things..

Thanks to my girls, for the really great time i had at the laggon.. Been awhile since we've actually hung out that way.. Just wished the rest of the girls were back with us that day.. Would've been memorable.. Missin them now.. = (

"i'm scared.." those are the words ive been saying pretty often lately.. why? umm i dunno.. its not coz of the $100 bet i had with my sisters which is trying not to be in a relationship for three years.. not the thought of losing some cash but the thought of actually falling again.. takutz.. i mean, to know that i might be prone to another heartbreak.. "na mauu... :_(". Thing is what if he is really nice and he seems to mean what he says.. Should i take the risk and just trust a lil? i really dunno what to do.. *sigh*

F.J, me, Manzy and Don menyushi.. hehe.

Sadness

2007-01-05T21:51:00.000-08:00

Sittin by the window now just listening to songs thinkin.. Was on the phone earlier when a friend called and just wanted to chill and talk.. Its nice making people happy by just simply being there to listen and show them that ur there whenever needed.. But if its a guy, its risky in a way that one might fall for the other...

Talked to someone about how the pain from what ive been thru comes back sometimes and still stings.. n i dont know how i'll totally get over it.. I mean is it because i havnt totally forgiven the person? I dont know.. i keep thinkin of findin how to make it not hurt whenever i see things that bring me back to those memories.. and i think the answer/way is to ikhlaskan hati.. relakan saja what has happened with all my heart.. Sounds easy, but it actually isnt.. Coz altho i feel like ive done that.. accepted fate, to say that im not even a lil bit affected when reminded of it would be a lie..

i think that altho im doin alright now.. walkin forward.. every pain ive been thru in this journey of life will sumhow continue to live on inside.. coz it has been and will always be a part of me i can never erase.. and it is wat makes me the person i am now..

Berarti

2007-01-03T14:14:00.000-08:00

Back in the blogging arena.. Not so much of an excitement for me, knowing how many times i've blog-hopped..hehe. But i hope this will be good enough for the insatiable readers that would like to know whats in my mind and get a glimpse of my life.. Yes, i do know the downside of having a blog and a tagboard thats open for critics that may sometimes get at me.. hehe.. but its ok, i know there's more in life i should be worried about than those kinda stuff.. Ikhlas saja terima whats about to be said, be it good or bad.. :-)

What can i say about the first three days of '07?... Well,the first day was all sleep for me, an after party effect..hehe. The second day got me all smiley after mom gave out ipods and astro's.. Hehehe.. Ka fe had each one of us literally screaming on her face when she gave it out. haha.. sorry ka, sekali skala your turn to hear us scream.. hahaha ;-). And today, sleepless in sickworld.. and feeling a bit gloomy having known one of my bestfriends had to fly off this morning for really important matters.. I really hope things will turn out alright pretty soon.. Hate to see anyone go through such a tough time. "My prayers for your family.. Luv u dude.. *hugs*"

I get sick of songs easily when their overplayed but i dunno why i can't seem to get enough of Terry's version of Janji Manismu... its prolly just because i can relate to it especially right now ey.. *sigh* very menyentuh lah the lagu.. gets me in deep mode wah.. hehe.. maybe by nextweek i'll finally stop listening to it in the shower.hehe.. Oh i watched the first episode of Kidnapped dimalam on AXN.. Siok jua lah, still having a hard time accepting Elton from clueless as the leading man, dunno why.. hehe tapi kewl lah the show.. Was suppose to catch it with Manz, but she ended up switching to some channel on a Buddhist Monk.. "Manzy sometimes your super keen interest in these Hindu or Buddha cultures sorta gets me a lil worried..hehe. :p"

I need to get back to bed and sleep, add about four more hours to the three i had late last night. Gonna dream away now.. Ciao.